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You Might Be A Chemist If...

You pronounce unionized as "un-ion-ized", instead of "union-ized".

You think a mole is a unit of amount, rather than a small furry animal in your lawn.

You wash your hands before you go to the bathroom.

You think that fresh air smells bad.

You played with explosives as a kid, and still have all your fingers.

Your favorite activity is testing the water in the fish tank - and you don't even have any fish.. (if you have fish, you are a biochemist).

You Might Be a Biochemist If...

You have ever asked a bartender to spin down your Hefeweizen

Your kid has his name, date of birth, and blood type written on his forehead in Sharpie

Your oven mitts at home are bright orange and have a PI's initials on them

You refer to cans of frozen orange juice concentrate as "aliquots of 4xOJ"

The only combs you are familiar with are for making wells

You have considered adding a protease inhibitor cocktail to your leftover tuna salad

Your wife's wedding ring is also a radiation dosimeter.

You know you weren't prepared for the exam when you gave the following definitions:

stereochemistry: having the correct speakers for your CD player

free radical: a political movement

propane: sadomasochistic tendencies

Grignard: a three foot mile

periodic acid: sometimes it is and sometimes it ain't

biotin: how much coffee you purchase

prostate: when you want FSU to beat U. Florida in football

helminth: what the hockey players wear on their heads, thilly

IL-2: me also

homology: the study of real estate

membrane: the opposite of forgettin'